Saturday, 1 December 2012

What to do when you’re falling for a friend

1 Dec 2012 romeo1010

It might happen on a number of occasions that you might find yourself falling in love with a friend. A relationship that started as one of friendship may soon convert into an inexplicable attachment, and you might consider yourself falling for that person. The more time you spend with each other, the stronger your bond might get, and you might experience a strange attachment forming between you both. Hence, a relationship which started with the innocence of friendship may convert into a relationship of love. It is fairly common that at one point of time in a friendship, one person may fall for the other. This leads to a number of complications though. It may either be that things go perfectly smoothly and conclude in a relationship that will keep both partners happy. In the other case, it might be such that the entire friendship may fall apart. Hence, one needs to be careful in such situations because these are extremely delicate matters.
When two people first become friends, and then fall in love, it is the stepping stone for a perfect relationship. This relationship would last really long and the bond would be very strong because it has the foundation of a friendship. When you’re best friends, you share secrets with each other that you might not share with your partner. Hence, when you progress from friendship to love, the awkwardness between you both is eliminated and you both understand each other perfectly. Also, the very fact that you both fell for each other also leads to the conclusion that you both have a very good rapport and understanding with each other. But in some cases, things do get complicated. We enlist a few things to do when you find yourself falling for your friend.
  1. Give it time – Wait a few days to just recheck whether it is love or infatuation. If after a few days, you feel the same way about her, then you’re in love.
  2. Drop a few hints – When you’re done with the first step, then the next step is to test what she thinks of you. Drop in a few casual hints that’ll get her thinking along the same lines. Flirt with her casually. Then notice her response, if she blushes or if it lifts her mood, then you have a chance. If she’s very casual and does not notice it, then she hasn’t quite thought of you that way.
  3. Decide – This is an important part. You will have to analyze and decide. You must know what’s at stake in this stage. You might perhaps loose the friend forever if you decide to approach her that way. Even if you don’t, she might never be the same again for you. Hence, you must be careful and take a calculated risk. If you consider your friendship more important than the relationship, then you must perhaps abstain from doing it. This is the complicated bit, and the decision that will be taken by you will alter according to the peculiar facts of every case.

Romance in this Busy World

romeo1010

Somehow when we think of the world a few decades ago, and even in the good old 90s, we think of life as one with so much leisure, so much simplicity and so much time. Coming back to the present age, you think of life as perhaps the busiest it has been. The world is both volatile and taxing. On one hand, you might have to constantly work hard. Be it your job, where you have to work to meet your expenses and also save money, because the economy might go down any time, or college, where you have to work hard and be brilliant if you want to land a nice job, life really springs surprises at you. At the same time, the competition is at an all time high, thanks to the ever growing population. Hence, today, you might have to work much harder than what your forefathers did in order to lead a decent life.
The downside of this lifestyle is your personal relationships. It might have been years since you met your childhood best friend. It might also have been years since you last went out with your family for a good old outing. It also affects your romance rather badly. Since you both are busy working all the time, you never seem to find time for each other. In the earlier times, people had a lot of time for each other, and they bonded well in all those times. Today, romances are very volatile due to the increasing pressure from outside, hence, there is a greater level of divorces in this world today.
It is important to work and lead a decent lifestyle, no doubt. But that alone can’t guarantee you happiness. What you also need is good relationships, because they can provide you with true happiness. Hence, we’re made a list of a few tips that will help you in keeping your romance levels high and interesting while not sacrificing on the work as well.
  1. Use technology – The modern world has a great thing – amazing technology. You had landline phones in the ancient times, but today you have everything from cell phones to video chat. Hence, when you have such awesome technology at your disposal, you must make great use of it to remain in touch. You must text your partner, not always, but quite frequently. It doesn’t take too much of time, but does a great deal. Also, you can do things such as video chats that will help you a lot to recreate the magic of the romance.
  2. Resolve matters – When misunderstandings or other things crop up, just take a few moments off from your work to talk it off and immediately resolve it. If you delay it, you will forget to do it with all that extra work you have, and that will worsen the relationship.
  3. Do special things – Whenever you have a little time, which you will, do special things. Go for special dinners, special outings, and make the most of the moments you spend together.

Africa: Reconstructive Surgery Brings Hope to Survivors of Genital Cutting





Tonte Ikoluba was 13 years old when her grandmother came to her family home to circumcise her. She remembers it as if it were yesterday. Her grandmother coaxed her and told her not to worry. It was important she go through the rite, she was told, in order to become a respectable woman and increase her chances of getting married some day.
"I closed my eyes tight and tried to gather my courage," she said. She wanted to wait a little bit, but her grandmother and another woman held her down.
Tonte does not like talking about that day. The memory is too painful. She was scared. Her sister had the procedure done before her, and she bled so much that she had to have a blood transfusion in the Malian hospital.
Female circumcision -- otherwise known as female genital mutilation or cutting (FGM/C) -- is defined by the World Health Organization as "all procedures that involve partial or total removal of the external female genitalia. It also involves any other injury to the female genital organs for non-medical reasons."
FGM/C is a millennia-long custom that practicing communities believe is an essential part of raising a girl properly. About 140 million girls and women worldwide are currently living with the consequences of FGM/C, according to the World Health Organization. Some 92 million girls 10 years old and above who have undergone the practice are in Africa, the agency adds.
Health consequences
The practice has several immediate and long-term health consequences, says Marci Bowers, a gynaecologist in San Mateo, California. Many women like Tonte suffer for years after being circumcised because of scarring and frequent infections. The pain is constant, says Tonte. She is 35 years old and is still single, she says, because she cannot bear to have anyone touch her "down there." Not even a doctor.
Dr. Bowers told Africa Renewal that pain is a major problem for her patients. The majority have undergone the most severe kind of cutting, called infibulation, in which the clitoris is removed and the labia are stitched together to form a cover over the vagina. Only a small hole is left for urine, menstrual blood, childbirth and intercourse.
Dr. Bowers is a surgeon who performs "reversal surgery" on her patients to repair the vagina and clitoris so that these women can have more normal lives. "The scar tissue that forms around the clitoris and encases it is uncomfortable. But in the cases where women have been infibulated, by dividing that infibulation, for the first time since the incision they are able to pass urine normally, they are able to pass menses normally. And they are able to have sex or childbirth without a constricting band that prevents those things."
She says the surgery is 100 per cent effective in alleviating pain for patients. "The relief that overwhelms these women has been one of the reasons women are glad they went through this surgery."
Advances in surgery
Reconstructive surgery for patients who have gone through FGM/C has been around for a long time. But the technique of clitoral repair surgery was only developed in 2004 by a French urologist, Dr. Pierre Foldès. It entails opening the scar tissue, exposing the nerves buried underneath and grafting on fresh tissue. The procedure reduces the chronic pain associated with FGM/C, allows women to regain clitoral sensitivity and even permits some to attain orgasm.
In Burkina Faso, where Dr. Foldès has trained several surgeons, the procedure has been offered since 2006. Previously, in 2001, the government sponsored and introduced a more general genital repair surgery, reports the National Commission Against Excision. Meanwhile, in an effort to make the clitoral repair surgery readily available in Africa, seven surgeons in Dakar, Senegal, recently received certification after training under Dr. Foldès and Senegalese oncologist Dr. Abdoul Aziz Kassé.
Dr. Bowers was also Dr. Foldès' pupil and has now volunteered to do similar work. She will be operating on Tonte Ikoluba for free, and has pledged to match every donation to the cause with her own money. Together with the Campaign Against Female Genital Mutilation (CAGeM), an international network devoted to countering FGM, she will help make the surgery available in Africa too. The organization was established in 1998 by a group of women doctors in Africa, in response to the high rate of infant and maternal deaths in communities that practice FGM/C. It is also working in New York: the practice is becoming more common in the US because of a growing population of immigrants from such communities.
CAGeM is building a hospital in Port Harcourt, in southern Nigeria. To be called Restoration Hospital, it will provide the surgery for free and be open to any patient from West Africa. Dr. Aberie Ikinko, director of the organization's US branch, explains: "We have already 400 women on the waiting list. We are also training the local doctors so that when we leave, they can continue to perform the surgeries for free."
Most women in Africa cannot afford the surgery, nor are they able to travel far. Dr. Ikinko told Africa Renewal that funds are being raised in New York to send supplies in preparation for the hospital's opening. CAGeM hopes Restoration Hospital will also be able to offer other free medical treatments for women, including operations for fistula, a hole that can develop over many days of obstructed labour, which is often caused by FGM/C.
Campaign for change
A high-level event at the UN General Assembly in September 2012 called for increased commitment and concerted action from governments to end the practice of FGM/C. A UN resolution aimed at intensifying global efforts to end FGM/C was approved for the first time on 26 November. Chantal Compaoré, the first lady of Burkina Faso who championed the resolution, hopes that African countries will sign it and take ownership of the ban.
After two decades of global efforts to end this practice, many communities are also now embracing change. Close to two thousand communities across Africa abandoned the practice in 2011 alone, according to a report by the Joint Programme for the Acceleration of the Abandonment of FGM/C. Set up in 2008 by the UN Children's Fund and the UN Population Fund, the programme seeks to spur change through a culturally sensitive, human rights-based approach that promotes collective abandonment of the practice.
Some previous strategies that regarded the rite as "barbaric" and "backward" met with resentment and backlash from local communities. Rather than ending FGM/C, such campaigns pushed supporters to simply hide the practice and scared them from seeking medical care, thereby placing young girls' lives at continued risk. Recently, educational efforts have been playing a more central role in campaigns to end the practice, with many activists choosing to present FGM/C as a public health issue and concentrating on the harmful and sometimes deadly effects it has on young girls and women.
Although there is renewed hope for a global ban on the practice, so far there has been little focus on solutions for the many girls and women who have already undergone cutting. The possibility of reconstructive surgery is therefore a godsend to young women like Tonte. "They took away part of my womanhood," she says. "I just feel very deprived. I want to be whole again."